Category Archives: Thoughts

You.

Nebulous warmth brought new halo shines to my reflection. I hate that I have to miss you now. I mean it is not that I have to, it is who I am. You interfered with my messy loneliness only to be able to bring to surface some long lost inert struggles. Of belonging and relying. Of understanding and sharing. Of caring and giving.

I thought I killed them all with indifference. With being. Simply being. You proved me wrong, you have awakened them with perfect smiles and acts of pure kindness. Attachment came out of thin air. My daemons are now roused.  Their growling hunger of connecting to the outside world needs to be dealt with.

Change is here. I can no longer simply be.
I have to be

with you.

That Golden Side of Tallinn

I’m always on the lookout for discount flight tickets to Tallinn, but unfortunately Bucharest and the Estonian capital are not connected through a direct route so the costs are not a bargain.

I had the great privilege of living in Tallinn for more than half a year and it grew very dearly on me. As winter creeps in, I become more melancholic, I think. I started remembering little details that bring me back one year ago. An alley with golden leaves instantly sent me to Kadriorg Park. Decided to share some photos with you.

A bit of that Tallinn autumn still lingers in my mind.


I used to walk by this painted wall and think of how the artist might have come up with the idea. Boring rainy day in Tallinn might lead to playing with pets since human companionship is rather scarce. Estonians are quite loners.


Welcome, November.

Oh, Happy 24th Birthday!

Am împlinit 24 de ani voioși și bucuroși. M-a luat prin surprindere valul de mesaje primit ieri. Uitasem cum e sa te bucuri de atâta atenție și drăgăleală din partea celor apropiați.
Vă mulțumesc pentru urările pline de gânduri bune și sincere, mi-ați fericit fiecare clipă din ziua de 9 iulie 2013. Să vi se întoarcă înzecit, ba nu, înmiit toate dorințele de fericire, împlinire, regăsire și mai ales iubire ♥

Mulțumesc din suflet, să împărțiți doar zâmbete senine și să vă păstrați spiritul tânăr și frumos, așa cum am reușit eu să vi-l descopăr!

May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young!

Foto credit: Theodora Alexe

Cu mine se petrece ceva

O viață de om, spunea Marin Sorescu.

1

Cu pași vioi, nesiguri, trebăluim pe te miri unde. Ne facem legături bolnăvicioase cu pavaje, betoane. Soarele ne zâmbește tâmp doar prin asfaltul încins ce ne cuprinde.

2.

Nu ne oprește nimic ascensiunea. Cine ar vrea să se coboare sau să aștepte un vânt de bun augur? Orbește călătorim de parcă știm încotro ne-om duce. Ne măsurăm zborul cu obstacole. Invizibile sau prea vizibile, monștri sacri tot de noi creați, modelați, prelucrați și întruchipați ca să ne fericim povestea. Frici și pui de demoni interiori care ne macină și nu ne lasă să ne descătușăm. Să ne eliberăm de sub asfalt.

walking

Determinare, direcție, obligație și legea morală din noi.
Ce mai faci? Bine. Nimic elegant, nimic mai puțin adevărat. Ne-am pierdut capetele între atâtea nimicuri. Zorim la nesfârșit către pieire, între timp, înăbușim un plânset cu dor de ducă.

3.

Ne raportăm la alții, după ce raportăm altora. Rupem în bucăţi şi reconstruim, mereu, morman de gânduri. Dar de fiecare dată uităm câte ceva…

4.

Poate să ne confundăm din când în când cu elementele preferate ale Universului. Să fim una cu vântul. Să ne umplem plămânul cu viață și verdele crud să ne gâdile pe sinusuri. Hai să ne-agităm nespusul.

5

Mai bine de un sac de viaţă îl pierdem făcând conexiuni. Troleibuzul 89, tramvaiul 45, Unirii 1 cu Unirii 2. Ne scapătă printre degete timpul ăsta și nu îl mai măsurăm în ore, ci în realizări, întâlniri, ceva suflete povestite și trudă prăfuită. Am uitat să ne legăm unii de alții cu subiect şi predicat. Impăcați, să nu mai încercăm să facem legături care nu ţin. Măsura lucrurilor stă înăuntru.

7

“Omul este măsura tuturor lucrurilor, a celor ce sunt întrucât sunt și a celor ce nu sunt întrucât nu sunt” Protagoras.

Text înscris în concursul Arche – Tabăra de Fotografie pentru Bloggeri, un eveniment organizat de Foto Union, cu sprijinul Bancpost, Cosmote, Samsung Galaxy S4, Ford, F64, Booking Greece, Izvorul Cristalin.

See you soon, Tallinn!

I’m leaving Tallinn today. Who knows for how long.

Many good-byes and see yous were said between the people I have come to meet here in Erasmus time. Emotional. Touchy. However, it seems that the hardest one is yet to come. How can I part with this city I knew nothing about, had no expectations about, but which grew on me so dearly during the last 6 months?

Took some lonely walks. I was uselessly trying to keep a mental image of everything. It won’t work. Pictures? They’re good. They might help but if you don’t have a special bond with the sights, you might not feel with the same intensity the connection of warm nestling in one dear, dear place, no matter how icy and cold it might be.

Said good bye to the swans by the frozen sea shore the other day, such sweet creatures. Still friendly despite the cold. Oh, Tallinn, how i will miss you! The butterflies in my stomach are beginning to sing a chaotically broken song. How I hate this almost bitter-salty taste of growing sadness that petrifies your speech and thoughts. I must go, now.

Stay impressive, lovable and joyful, wild but dignifying as I know you. Keep on growing on other people coming into your life. After all, this is your job. Ah, it hurts to know I was only one of your many and that you will go on. But that is life.

Well, I should be going home now, dear. Whatever that might still mean.
See you! See you soon!

My dear Tallinn,

It’s been almost three months since we’ve known each other, darling, and well… I have something to confess.

You remember that thing we wanted to call our only just-beginning relationship?
That “in between” any kind of official relationship, that “I have no idea what is going on” bond we decided to call we ourselves being happy together?
And that “never could be just friends again” complicated situation we got ourselves into later on? Well, it’s not working anymore. I just wanted a calm, enjoyable, six-month lovely experience with you, but it seems that what I feared most came true.

I have fallen for you, my dear. It is true. Resisting it and not calling it by its proper name was a worthless effort to keep distance. All the cold hearted words (or weather) could not keep me away from your magical embrace.

I dread the day I will be leaving you. Because you are so stubborn and will not visit me, I am afraid our magic only works out here. It will still survive, our love. For some time. It will always be special. It will always be ours. I believe in it.

All these frames of beauty… they seemed nice but lifeless from the comfortable distance of my home country, Romania. They are now a mere glimpse of precious moments I shared with you. Sunsets on the beach, autumn walks, parks, leaves blowing in the wind, golden skies, always picture perfect clouds, happy thoughts arise.
A piece of my heart now belongs to you, dearest. Do keep it safe.
Ma armastan sind, Tallinn.

Yours faithfully for ever and ever,
Lori

Tallinn from Amid Moradganjeh on Vimeo.